The Day My Life Changed

 

I remember the day we got the news....It wasn’t a big shock....yet it was. It’s weird and I can’t really put the feelings that I had into words. I think deep in my spirit I knew that I was going to be going through something traumatic and life changing.

     I remember sitting in the bathroom one day, and saying to myself, “I think I have cancer.” But I realize now that it wasn’t me saying it to myself. God had been speaking to me for a couple of years about it. But my exams had all always been normal. So it was just something that remained in the back of my mind.

     When it was open enrollment time at work I found myself selecting cancer insurance...I also found myself selecting insurance that would pay me for the time I spent in the hospital. 

     Now this insurance has always been available to us yet I had never been compelled to select it. But this day was different. I heard that voice and I obeyed not realizing that two years later in October of 2019 I would need to utilize it.

     My daughter and I sat in the small examination room waiting for the doctor to come in to deliver news and explain why I was in so much pain. 

“We got your biopsy results back,” she said softly. “I’m sorry to say that it’s positive for cancer.”

     She stared  at me for a moment, I assume expecting some type of reaction. But I didn’t have one to give her. 

I heard my daughter gather her words again as she said “Wait what? What did you just say”. 

                                   F*** Cancer

There’s a permanent dent

In the bed where my ass lays

Only dreams and memories

Of what I call better days

Trying and trying to see

What they call a silver lining

But crying deep inside

For fear of dying

Body racked with pain

With no remedy in sight

Popping pills all week

Just to get through the night

Wishing and praying

For jut one day of full normalcy

Hiding from the fact

That it may never be.