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Thursday, June 01, 2017

Reflection

                                          Getty-Hristo Shindov


Not sure about who I see in front of me
Dreams and goals dissipate
     like warm breath against the icy morning air.
This is not who you used to be.
People change, I know this to be true.
But this settling mentality that has found its way to your heart
     Well....its not you
"She doesn't know me" is what you sometimes tell your friends
I know the reach of your dreams, the dept of your thoughts.
I know the compassion in your heart and the might of your pen.
I know the tears you cry
     when the pain is hard to bare,
I'm familiar with the laughter that fills
     your hilariously dysfunctional family air.
I know the hustle in your heart
     when it's time to go to work.
 I even understand your tones of silence
     when you try to hide the hurt.
That love you seek
     is wreaking havoc on your heart
Flying around blindly
     not seeing the light because of the stars
I understand loneliness
     and the clamant need to be fed
But be careful how you pick your thread count
Remember,
     you'll have to lie in that bed
No, I'm not sure of the person
I see in front of me.
Dreams and goals disappear
     like warm breath against the icy morning air.
This is not who you used to be

Copyright © 2017 by Joyce Oscar

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Hand-Me-Down Box



Picture courtesy of Picture it & Write


i wear a mask
that always smiles
it hides the hurt
and paints the lies
a gated wall
to my soul
if i keep the windows closed
no one will ever know
that behind these smiles
are massive scars
from cuts in my chest
to contusions of my heart
behind the smiles 
i stand broken and stripped
bearing an open hand
and battered lips
a tainted word
i dare not speak
as my secrets guard
my weakened cheeks
behind chains and bars
and rusted locks
i'll never escape
this Hand-Me-Down box

Copyright © 2017 by Joyce Oscar

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

COLORBLIND

This is the second piece from the "I feel like writing" Facebook post. I posted a few weeks ago and asked some of my FB family for topics to write about. I originally wanted to write just one piece but after getting about twenty different requests...I decided to try and honor all of them. The request to write about color was a tricky one. I had to ask....Color as in race? The response was one that I dreaded and she said color as in "primary", "secondary". OH MY GOODNESS...What the heck was I going to come up with pertaining to red, green blue...etc. So I decided to put a little twist on it. I hope my Facebook friend Tennille Rainey approves.





Born from the cool blue waters that
     contained me in my mother's womb
Tears bring release from the torturous
     blows of your hatred for me.
Questions of why why why fill my cup
     and it runneth over.
But surely no goodness follows,
Only pain and sorrow from the
     endless nights of despair.
My heart crumbles like the dry leaves
     of a rose no longer green.
Like the one who cannot distinguish,
My vision of you is distorted.
I try to prove that I'm no different.
My veins also spew red.
Yet with all of your loathing,
I still remain
Colorblind


Copyright © 2017 by Joyce Oscar

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Loving You to Death



This is the first piece from the "I feel like writing" Facebook post. I posted a few weeks ago and asked some of my FB family for topics to write about. I originally wanted to write just one piece but after getting about twenty different requests...I decided to try and honor all of them. One person suggested that I write about "The love you give as a parent and the love you receive as a parent". That was a pretty easy one. It would be all happy and full of joy. Then I was reading an article that described something totally different. What about the other side? What if the love you give as a parent isn't reciprocated. What if it is totally opposite of what we feel as if a child's love should be. So Angel Lewis-Lester. Here is your topic.




If I died tonight...
It really wouldn't matter
because even then, 
I would still feel the thrust of those words....
"I hate you! You're a horrible parent!"
But it pains me more to continue to hear it in my waking.
Though the depth of my love cannot be measured
it exceeds life itself.
But yours seems to fade to shallow
So from the banks of heartbreak and disappointment
I scrape my tattered heart from the marsh
and lightly place it back into the bosem
where you once laid your head.
I steady the shuddering hand 
that once held yours to cross the street...
and with my eyes wrapped with tears
I pull
and
I
choose
DEATH




Copyright © 2017 by Agaphe Publishing Group

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

TRUTH is...

I remember one morning a co-worker saying "Good morning, how was your weekend?" I just smiled and said that it was good. I've often wondered how a person would react if we told them how we were truly feeling right then at that very moment. Would they walk away and think that we were crazy, would they lend an listening ear or would they give you comforting words to try and help you feel better. Well that prompted me to look at what MY, and some of my close friends' truths were. Each week I would reflect on various interactions and conversations and write things down. Surprisingly most of what was written seemed quite sad and painful. Then I realized that most of the time the TRUTH is sad and painful for most people. A quote from Miguel Angel Ruiz, a Mexican shaman, teacher, and author says "The truth is like a scalpel, the truth is painful." Even a happy truth can sometimes be a sad one.





Copyright © 2016 by Agaphe Publishing Group

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

SUFFOCATION



i can't breath
the noise in my heart suffocates my mind
and it wanders off to a place of lonliness
and life is meaningless because
i can't love
my heart is hardened 
like candy on an apple, sweet but tasteless
getting stuck in the crevices causing aches and pain
and...
i can't dream
the ring of the telephone 
sends waves of anxiety throughout my soul
and a comforted eye is just an illusion
and now i can't live
i know his tragedies are not my own
and yet they are...
because karma comes from the sins of the mother
and God knows my crops are plentiful
no...i can't live
because who wants to bear the burdens of another 
when the time should be spent sipping coffee 
and watching the birds dance from limb to limb
oh God I can't dream
because the depth of the darkness
is not enough to hide the ugliness that occupies my REM
so i lie in wake staring into a ceiling of emptiness
hoping that morning will come soon
allowing me to love...live...dream
i'm broken and battered
confused and bitter
i can't breath...
i can't breath...
i
just
can't

Copyright © 2016 by Agaphe Publishing Group

Thursday, May 26, 2016

SHOES IN MY CLOSET

I hate my closet! Nothing is in its right place, it's so chaotic. Huge collections of crap that don't mean anything just occupy each corner. I really should clean it out but sometimes it's hard to part with things. Who knows, I might need something one day only to find that I've cast it out into the trash or given it away to someone that really doesn't deserve it. I find every excuse as to why I should keep something and even bigger excuses as to why I can't throw it out. When Dawn showed up to help me sort through the madness, she found me sitting in the middle of the floor. I had no idea where to start, but I knew I had to get rid of stuff.

Dawn stood by my side for a moment and finally said, "You have too many shoes!"
     "What?" I asked confused.
     "You have too many freaking shoes! Look at this, you have boxes stacked n top of each other and I'll bet you haven't worn some of them this year."
     As I took a look, I realized she was right. I had to do something or else I would forever be in a confused and chaotic state.



 Shoes in my Closet

I just love shoes… don’t you?

Once you start trying on shoes
It’s really hard to stop.
Sandals, stilettos, loafers, boots
Even sneakers…yes…high tops.

I bought my first pair of shoes
When I was about twenty-three.
I only kept them for a little while
The fit just wasn’t right for me.

My friend and I shared a pair once
But she said they were the worst.
She didn’t enjoy wearing them
Because I had worn them first.

I just love shoes… don’t you?

I found a pair of wedges once
At a little boutique down by the tracks.
But the owner called furious one day
Demanding I give them back.

Not sure how she found me
But I was angry and told her such.
I refused to give them back to her
Because I loved them way too much

See those shoes were like no other,
Perfect for me in every way.
And if I had my choice of things
I would wear them all night and all day.

I just love shoes…don’t you?

My closet has been full of beautiful shoes
A few I’ve kept for a while.
Some are still very comfortable and hip
While others have gone out of style.

I look at my shoes from time to time
Sitting nicely on my shelf.
Friends say, “Girl, you have way too many shoes”
“You should be ashamed of yourself.”

So I’ve refrained from shopping lately
Because I’ve found some that are very rare
The perfect fit, size, color and style
Yea…
I think I’ll keep this pair.

I just love shoes…don’t you?


Copyright © 2016 by Agaphe Publishing Group

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